So...how does one celebrate her birthday?

In my case, I woke up this morning with my beloved rugrat saying, "Mommy, I need to go pee-pee" at 6:10AM. I cursed to myself about the timing of this...why couldn't it be at 4AM instead of 6AM?

We only have to get up in another hour and once you fall back asleep, you just can't get your ass up. In fact, it's worse when you try catching up on sleep that way, your body is bound to the chains of Stage 5 sleep (REM) that ain't no way in hell can you get up. You begin to delusionally profess that you have caught the vicious flu and cannot wake up by any means.

Well, I picked up Miki and plopped her little body down on the toilet. I noticed that she was burning up and knew right then and there she was having a fever. Having a kid who used to get sick every 2 months when she was a wee tot, my instincts are far better than any doctor. Only moms can hone in immediately. So..Miki's fever was 101.

The last time she had a fever was during June. That's a pretty good record of being viciously ill for a kid who's prone to having her mom taking a 3-4 days off each quarter. No wonder I never seem to have enough vacation days!

Since I broached the subject of her June fever, I remember the day very well. I had a handyman come over to hang up my CD display case (Only Tears for Fears is on display, a-hem) and requested that her dad pick her up from school. Being genetically related to the devil, she made her father physically carry her home on a blistering hot and humid day. She screamed, ranted and raved for a Spongebob ice pop and threw tantrums out in public. Oh my!

Well, he brought the pissy child home and her hair was covered in sweat. She was in an awful mood and when I walked over to carry her, she was really heating up. Daddy, the doctor, attributed to her foul mood, while mommy, Dr. Mom, knew right then and there she was crabby because she was SICK!!! Yeesh...no friggen wonder why they require doctors to take their boards every decade! Her temp was only 99, but like I said, I KNOW when my kid is sick. Daddy was skeptical and refuses to acknowledge that I was right. He hates the idea that I might put the idiot out of business.

Well, back to my birthday, Miki stayed home with me. After coaxing her to take her Motrin, she miraculously showed no more signs of sickness. Unfortunately, tomorrow is another day...so we'll see.

Then I spent the afternoon putzing around. I couldn't get out of my pajamas and the thought of having to get dressed disillusioned me. I had to go out for coffee or else my brain would completely shut down. Then again, it hasn't quite functioned for a very long time, so it would be no different to many folks!

After lunch, Miki and I came home and I spent some time online shopping once again. 'Tis the season! It was nap time and we woke up 2 hours later by a god-awful phone call - damn these abhorrent survey takers! Instead of telemarketers, there is a new wave of people conducting surveys over the phone! ARGGHHH!!

The best survey I took was the one having to do with Indonesia's new government and whether or not I preferred Sutharto's dictatorship. I don't know about you, but when it comes topics like these - I don't give a SHIT! Nor would I hear of it on American TV!! Just because I have a Chinese last name does NOT MEAN I REPRESENT ALL OF ASIA. Speaking of which, I'm Chinese...how the F%&%#% did I become Indonesian overnight? Don't you people know there's a massive difference, especially when you're conducting a phone survey?!?!?! It's like comparing someone who is Mexican to someone who is Portugese!

Aiyah. Whatever.

Then, it gets better. Dad wanted to go out for dinner, but the brisk cold didn't entice me. So when he comes home, he finds me on the couch watching old reruns of Fear Factor. Great show to watch PRIOR to dinner, eh?

Well, I made him sit with me to pick out crab meat. Yes, we spent 2 hours tonight picking out CRAB MEAT. Why? Because I was stuck with some seafood delicacy and I had no choice but to boil them suckers last night. I don't WTF these people are thinking when they decided to give these things to us. I ONLY MAKE MACARONI AND CHEESE! HOW ON EARTH WOULD I KNOW HOW TO PREPARE LIVE SHRIMP AND XXL STONE CRABS?!?!?!?!

I mean...I'm going off the topic now, but really, this is fricking America! What's up with the lame ass Chinese tradition of giving doctors 'gifts' that are totally 'inappropriate' with today's society?! I mean, give me a break! Richard's patient walks in to thank him by giving him fricking 2-3 lbs of LIVE shrimp (f*ckers were jumping all over my floor when I tried to rinse them out in the sink) and not 3, not 4, but 5 live and huge crabs. Don't know what kind they are, but they're like giant blue/green crabs on steroids. These F*ckers were about 1 1/2 lb each, kinda like dungeness crabs.

I'm a mediocre cook, nothing too fantastic. BUT this is completely out of my league. So I had no choice to boil EVERYTHING. Had to keep my hand on the pot lid to prevent these guys from crawling OUT! UGH!

I just get annoyed when patients who want to do something for him and give him these gifts. You know, this isn't Old China where the bartering system worked quite well - like a cow for a triple bypass surgery or to trade ya for a hen to treat mah bunion. I know they mean well, but I'm the sucker who has to take the hit! OY!

Now my fingers are wrinkly and dry. Ewwww!! I need a manicure tomorrow!!