So sorry for not responding to any emails, posting blogs or even answering calls. I have been inundated with work and home that ain't even funny. Miki is off of school AGAIN and you know what that means: Mommy refuses to do anything.

Let's say if I want to get a cup of coffee, it would take me a mere 5 minutes to get dressed and 5 minutes to get back home with a cup in my hand from the local bakery. I usually go to the one about 3 blocks away.

With Miki, it'll take us a total of 35 minutes. It'll take her 10 minutes to get her clothes on without having to run away from me (or put her shirt on backwards), another 10 to do her hair and 15 minutes to walk those 3 short blocks.

Now you know why I'd rather stay home? I have my moments where I don't have a lot of patience and would prefer to stay in bed for a few more hours. Even doing the laundry is such an arduous task. It's not her fault, but I try to maximize my time without her to the fullest. I usually go for the kill and get everything done in one shot.

Plus, I've been spending way too much time at the office because Grace can't cut the job. I've hired a new girl this week and Grace will get her notification sometime today or tomorrow. I'm so sick and tired of having to carry her fricking dead weight and for Rich to giggle about it. He thinks her hyperactivity is amusing and the talk of the town. In my opinion, poking fun at someone's anxiety isn't exactly a pastime. I chewed her ass out last week for neglecting to throw out the trash simply because someone had spat into it. The trash began to reek because she didn't want to 'touch' it and it was too 'disgusting'. One, if she had removed the contents on a daily basis it wouldn't reek and two, no one is asking her to touch the trash. Wear gloves, goddamit.

Honestly, I don't go around chewing people's asses out. But when you get STUPID with me, then I can't hold back. I may go as far as cursing and swearing up the wazoo because the asinine remarks used. Even when Yuki was chronically late, I didn't yell. I just rubbed it up her face.

Anyway, I'm done with the excuses and the pity jobs. Today, I have to go to stores and prepare for Ching Ming. Yup...it's that time of the year again where we pay our respects to my dad at his grave. Unfortunately it's pouring dogs and cats on Saturday, so I may have to wait till Sunday. More to come on that aspect...

Gotta make lunch for Miki - Campbell's soup anyone?

Mikayla has a habit of notifying me of her bowel movements...a trait that is coached and reinforced at school to prevent accidents in young children. Ahem.

I noticed that she was in the bathroom for quite a while and I called out to her. She assured me in her cute voice that she was JUST fine...

When she was done, she walked out of the bathroom, pants down, her fanny exposed and holding a bunch of books. Fearing that one book wasn't enough, she brought in three.

Moral of the story? Make use of your personal time wisely.

Well, everyone's doing it and after viewing a couple of cool ones, I just HAD to change mine. It was starting to bore me, but I wasn't in the mood to fish around for a template. AND...I wanted something green!

I hope Sarah has some time to personally design me a template...I'd love to have one of my very own! Hmm...maybe I'll learn how to make 'em?

Things are both winding up and down here. I should be able to blog on Tuesday. Over at mom's (while doing laundry), I had composed a few interesting passages but haven't completed them yet.
Yup, you guessed it...must be one of those long ones again!

I ran myself a bit over, so I'm gonna take a brief nap for a days away from the puter. Will definitely add a few things here and there, but I need SLEEP!

Love y'all!

I guess with the right mix of people and moments, cloudy days can look brighter.

Right now I'm flabbergasted. I woke up one freezing morning in January this year and said to myself, "I need a holiday". It dawned upon to pay a visit to Sarah over in Tamworth and be engulfed by those filled with love and happiness. Then…I thought further, maybe I could catch TFF in concert - I mean, how great would that be?!? After all, Tamworth is located outside of Brum..

I've never quite done anything of this magnitude. I mean, I have asked friends and family if I could come on over and be a house pest for a week. But overseas? That's a whole other ball of wax.

Much like the morning I woke up and said, "Damn, I need shoes" or "F--- it, I'm getting lasik". This is one of those moments again.

The difference is, my long lost partner in crime is now joining me in this mad escapade and it feels rather surrealistic! Although we've known each well over 2 decades, we've never quite done anything together. Coming over to each other's houses don't really fit the bill.

We've been on a hiatus for a few years and timing is rather strange. Ever since I took off of work, a good number of my friends have circled back into my life. I haven't heard some for YEARS and BAM! they're here. For example, I have one of my close buddies hanging out at my mom's place. Instead of leaving it empty (it started to creep me out), I asked Helen to stay. Helen obliged since she lives in a tiny and crammed Chinatown apt with her stepmonster who's going through menopause. I asked for nothing in return except to regularly dust and clean up after herself. She even folds my laundry. Personally, I think the setup is great.

I drove a lot of my friends away because I couldn't keep up with the demands of home, work and society. I think they got the karmic sense that I'm free from these stressors and I'm 'coincidentally' running into them.

Furthermore, I've made lots of new friends (Heather & Camille) and it's nice to know that there are still a few ppl who are genuinely sincere. I'm so sick of these two-faced assholes lurking around the school grounds or schmoozers who think they can squelch some freebie off of me. Weasels.

For the past few days, I've been searching on the web for deals and determining which route is the best to go to Brum - either by rail or direct flight. Then Ching decides to do this: LET'S REALLY SEE THE UK. Okay, I nearly fell off of my chair because I used to be one making these bold and adventurous statements!

I do love surprises from her. The time we spent away and grew apart have shown us varying depths in our experiences and perception of life. 4 years ago, I probably would've been bitter and serenaded Ching with TFF's "Fish Out of Water" or something retarded like that.

Now it's toss up between "Everybody Loves a Happy Ending" or "Closest Thing to Heaven".

On my way home this morning, I saw a long row of incense sticks stuck into the little mounds of ice. The row ended about a half a block because there wasn’t any more ice to support the sticks. I noticed the same thing going on across the street.

Stuff like that usually means someone is trying to pay respects to the recently deceased. The path of having incense sticks facilitates the lost spirit its way home or to reincarnation.

For whatever the reason, instead of remembering the days where my family ceremoniously paid respects to my dad on his passing, my mind reverted back to my cousin's wedding a few years back. Don't ask me HOW I made this sort of connection…

While I looked on the incense path, I realized how rare traditions are practiced today and probably will not survive in the next few generations. I guess the reason why I thought back to John's wedding was because it was such a cultural and traditional disaster. His wife, Jenny, is Christian. Now I have nothing against anyone’s religious beliefs, but I have a personal gripe when they know nothing of yours and have to rub something stupid in.

Jenny is a part of some cult-like Christian group preaching at local senior centers around the neighborhood which doesn't have a church of their own. They sing, they praise and they pray with shining glee.

On the other hand, my relatives dislike Jenny and her religious blathering. She constantly refutes our traditional customs because it's not her religious practice. Go and kiss my ass.

Okay, let's get this straight…there's a massive difference between religion and tradition. I've noticed that lots of Christians reject customs since it imposes on their religious beliefs. So, it's okay for them to celebrate Chinese New Year and ask for red envelopes, but it's not okay for them pay respects to our ancestors using incense. That's fine, skip the damn incense…but to have them harrumphed in front of your family’s shrine is a complete diss. They know better than to disrespect them in this repulsive manner.

Plus, they're not worshipping our gods. It's the dead people that are somehow connected in their lives. I can understand the whole incense bit, but sheesh - at least politely decline.

Mind you, these people are not ABC's and were brought up in all parts of Asia. Those born outside of China have a bit of an excuse especially when their parents risk losing cultural flair by uprooting themselves from the motherland. Unfortunately, too many people confuse Buddhism with Chinese traditions as the lines are somewhat blurred. But when you sit and observe the details, they're completely separate.

Going back to Jenny & John, their marriage was no different than that of a shotgun (redneck) wedding. How it happened is whole other blog, but John proposed to Jenny after she tried killing herself, literally, by playing in the traffic. How's that for a future novel?

So the date was set (in a mere 2 months) and the arrangements were made. Prior to any Chinese wedding, the families must convene to discuss their absurd and ridiculous conditions. Almost like union negotiations where all parties discuss for hours to contractually agree upon the terms. This, of course, nearly led to a cataclysmic fistfight between the parents. The bride's family demanded an enormous dowry and wedding provisions, but did not wish to meet many of the groom's requirements because the demands were 'anti-Christian'. Oh, HOW utterly convenient.

The groom's family didn’t request anything out of the ordinary. Unfortunately, the wedding gift exchange is the one event which brings out the ugly in everybody. This is far worse than the wedding itself because there's always one cheapskate parent who fooks it up royally…

Example: If the bride has an unmarried male sibling, the groom must provide a wedding gift either in the form or cash or clothing to provide a suitable outfit for the ceremony. This supposed generous act spreads good luck to unmarried individuals in hopes that they will be wedded the following year.

One of the MAJOR events on the wedding is the tea ceremony. Traditionally, the groom brings the bride to his home on the wedding day. She serves tea to his parents and they take a sip serving as recognition and acceptance of their newest family member. The elders will then provide her a wedding gift, usually jewelry, as evidence of their approval.

In our case, we have the tea ceremony at the stupid banquet hall. Nowadays, they love to conduct the tea ceremony in front of the guests, to boast and show off the family’s generosity (*barf*). It makes the couple miserable because there is no time to dance or even enjoy the wedding party. The newlyweds are stuck kneeling in front of the elders (basically anyone who's fricking related to you, older and married) to lovingly receive the so-called generous gifts of gold. Noticed I mentioned, “so-called”.

Back to my cousins, Jenny makes a bold and asinine declaration. She stated how she will NOT kneel down during the tea ceremony. Oh boy. Oh boy, oh boy, oh boy, oh boy, oh boy…oh fook.

At this point, I can't begin to describe HOW furious my mother was. One, mommy is the head of the entire clan and does not take shit from anyone. Two, she may be only 4'9", but she can chew your ass out to oblivion. What she says, goes.

Okay, that being said, my mother slung a rebuttal right back at Jenny's family, right in the face: YOU CAN GO F-CK YOURSELVES. NO one disrespects me or devalues my family in any way. Who the fook wants to attend this monkey circus anyway. Go and stir up and rot in your own shit.

Classy, eh?

Next thing I knew, my relatives all jumped in my mother's bandwagon and dismissed the wedding. Since I'm related to the world's famous bunch of cheap assholes, they embraced the opportunity for potentially not having to shell out $$$. They all stated how repugnant Jenny's family was and how little respect they have for people..blah, blah, blah.

Indeed it got interesting. Jenny and her family later apologized to my mother and insisted that she attend the wedding. They later agreed to all of the groom's demands; however, the decorative wedding symbols, phoenix and dragon, must be concealed at the banquet hall.

Now how is the phoenix (bride) or the dragon (groom) representative of the Buddhist religion?! It's just one of those Chinesey thangs!

Whatever.

Of course, when she changed her outfits during the banquet, she wore the traditional Chinese wedding gown (aka kwah) with two mandarin ducks on it. Ducks, lotuses, dragons and phoenixes, all animals – what’s the difference??! WTF?!?!

After the air was cleared between rival families, we all decided to attend their Christian ceremony. John was the first member in our family to be married at a Christian hall, so we were excited to participate. We assumed there would be a little church wedding somewhere and someplace. Shee-it, little did we know that her Christian group held their sermons at a senior citizen center.

My mother uttered under her breath, "Aw crap, I'd rather stay home and watch TV. Dammit, let's go to the South Street Seaport and go shopping." Both my brother and I were very amused by all of this.

So…the entire Chen clan sat together and observed the wedding ceremony. It was highly unusual since everyone had their right arms outstretched to 'touch' or bless the couple with good spirits. They sang in Chinese, prayed, laughed and all the whatnot. The hysterical part? My family was RUDE and EMBARRASSING.

Yep, my uncles, aunts and mom couldn't shut the fook up during the entire ceremony - they were blabbing away LOUDLY. John's sister left early for a hair appointment, my two uncles went out for their nicotine fixes, and my cousin, Tina, was busy polishing her nails. My bro and I were laughing our asses off. Oh, talk about respect.

When the dreaded tea ceremony came later that evening, I felt so sorry for them. Not only did they kneel the entire time, no one offered them little mats to cushion their knees. My relatives DELIBERATELY took their sweet time sipping tea, fiddling with the contents in their bags and insisted that a picture be taken with the bride kneeling. I can tell you that I have a rather large family…

In my wedding, I didn't have to kneel because the platform was too small and the MC told me to skip kneeling. Our elders agreed and we got away with it. We didn't mind, but it just goes to show you what happens when families take on traditions for their own convenience.

What baffles me is how kneeling in front of your elders offends your religious belief? You want the $$$, the gowns, the banquet, and the entire shebang, how is it possible to do one without the other? We're not burning incense here!

Aiyah.

Heather and I must be feasting on the same water or bread...we're both in this woeful funk.

I hope it doesn't last. I guess there's only so much of the hyper-ness and peppy behavior we can share with everyone before it runs out.

I have to go into the medical office tomorrow and make sure everyone is doing their job. Grace is losing her fricking marbles by creating more aggravation at the office. Instead of performing her job duties, she has decided to take upon herself to stick her face into Yuki's salad, the other receptionist.

Because of the influx of patients coming and going, Grace flips out when there are more than 2 people seated in the waiting area. I don't know what the heck is her problem, but having Rich come home every night bitching is giving me an ulcer. So, I decided to take it upon myself and take back my cheesy "Office Manager" title for the time being. I have noticed that the girls are a bit more apprehensive around me because I have a diplomatic approach in managing them.

Grace has a tendency to be very defensive and is unwilling to take accountability of her stupid screwups. Yuki has a tendency to PMS 24/7 because her young life isn't going as planned. Me? I just hate dealing with fricking FOBS all day long. Okay, I sound like a racist pig here, but when you hang out with them long enough, you'll come home wanting to scrub yourself down with a Brillo pad. Personally, I didn't go to college just so I can work at some stupid medical office...I still have high aspirations for my career. I'd rather intern at the Carson Daly Show for nothing because I know the experience will be so much more worthwhile.

Anyhoo...more to blog!!

well they love you when you're weak
bet they hate to see this winning streak
it's that thing we call control
there's a deep frustration in their soul
black thoughts
that get stuck between someone's ears
like me and my big ideas
so many strings to your bow
why not let one go
in a way this dream is over
blown away our four leaf clover
there's no reason why
there's just me and my

me and my big ideas
won't wash away your tears
no one else seems to mind
that I'm not that kind

Me and My Big ideas - TFF

Tonight, I was perusing through www.memoriesfade.com, a site dedicated to TFF's FAQ's and good stuff like that. I wanted to respond to one of Heather's blogs with an excerpt from "Sorry", but instead, I chose something else entirely different. Although the title was appropriate to the blog's response, the meaning didn't quite illustrate my point.

While I was reading some of the lyrics, this particular one caught my eye. In this very specific phase of my current life, I have become extremely discriminant of my congeniality. Although Grace gets under my skin, she's not the driving factor of how I became this way.

Over the years, I had freely offered my time, gifts and advice to people who I believed to be trustworthy and loyal. Some have become life-long friends and some morphed into deceitful weasels. Nevertheless, I have always been nice. A little TOO nice. To the point where I find myself trapped in my own naivete and gullibility. If I surround myself with nice people, then it's hunky dory. However, if I happen to encounter a weasel in a sheep's outfit, then I will surely get screwed somehow.

I think this goes back to my childhood where I always wanted to known for being nice and sweet, rather than some loud-mouthed shorty. I cared too much about other people's feelings and thought everyone needed to be pleased. Okay, bad idea. After getting screwed royally a couple of times, I learned to extend the niceties in small dosages instead of opening the floodgates at once. This way, I can gauge how much or little I wish to offer. That being said, the last two lines of the song holds the highest significance to me right now.

The beginning excerpt is reminiscent of the times I've suffered the wrath of F%#$'ed up people who made it their mission seeking my downfall at Fido. Speaking of which, 2 of my fellow employees have recently been fired (within a few days of each other) and such actions were practically unheard of while I was there. Although corporate layoffs were common after 9/11, employee firings were only done as extreme measures to remove those threatening the equilibrium. Senior mgmt falsified their faults and deliberately made internal changes to eventually remove them.

Thank goodness I left before any more of the putrid crap flew in my direction.

Mikayla in a traditional outfit during Chinese New Year.
The outfit is nicer than the one I have since it's made out of silk. However, how many times during the year does she get to wear them? ONLY ONCE!

I'm cheating on my blogs by posting pics of my kid. I'll write when I get a darn moment...