Linda's Gone Ghetto
Well…
I’ve taken a long hiatus – not for fun, I assure you – and am once again, kinda, sorta back to my old routine. I’m still working at the office as we have plenty of work to do, however, in less than a year; I’ve been spat at, cursed, and sworn to death.
Ahh, such is my life. Because the never-ending influxes of assholes dominate my office, obviously there is no shortage to the incessant lip we need to endure.
Of course, I have somewhat remedied a few of these grievous wrongs. After making multiple trips to mum’s retina specialist for the past 7 weeks (THAT receptionist is such a Bi-otch!), I am shooting my mouth a lot worse than I did before. Instead of being cordial and politically correct, I’ve gone all out by completely mouthing off. And if I don’t succeed, I compete with these assholes based on the volume alone, and hell, it works.
In hindsight, I have been rather lax about certain things and refrained from picking verbal fights. Don’t get me wrong, it’s not like I go around hopping on every bandwagon simply to pick a fight, but hell, I won’t let you get away with mouthing off because you feel like it. I’m done being nice.
That’s the sad, sad reality about my patients. The worst ones are not the crude Neanderthals who refute our American ways, but the ones who have been in the country for decades and think they know it all. Fukienese people have their good and bad quirks, but the worst lot, are those folks who know a little bit of Cantonese/English, brag about their bogus successes, and deliberately TRAMP us because our roots are provincially connected. If these people went to see a Cantonese physician or a specialist (of any origin), then they would not behave in such a despicable manner.
This repulses me. Just because we’re the PCP, somehow they think it’s okay to act out. WTF.
So last summer's story about me tossing those two patients…that’s who they were. Fukienese assholes who think therefore they are.
And…I threw out a few more. It’s good feng-shui cleansing, I assure you.
So one day, our office was backed up by 4 hours because Rich could not get in until
My girls, as always, aren’t the nasty fighting type and didn’t quite bite back as I would’ve. They told her to go elsewhere and don't bother coming back. So when I heard the news that the blown-up cow was swearing in our waiting room in front of other patients, I was livid. I was so pissed off that I wanted to grab her cane and break both of her legs.
So…I made a mental note to confront her and end this crap.
The following week, she hobbled her way in and smiled at me. I got up from my desk and told her that there was a 4 hour wait and who the fuck she was to slander Rich in MY office. She stammered and backtracked by saying that we misheard her – she just wanted to know where the “fuck” the doctor was (it sounded like the same thing in Chinese with a slight pitch to it).
Whatever. Unlike my usual aggressive banter (where I curse your mama’s ass out), I delivered a rather composed diatribe which basically told her to go fuck herself in the most justifiable manner. When she disavowed the verbal garbage, I asked her, “Are you saying my receptionists lied and decided to spread rumors for the hell of it? If so, which one? Point her out for me.” She didn't.
Heck, I was surprised at myself for being so well-spoken…this was in Chinese we’re talking about! For whatever the reason, I didn’t speak to her in my native dialect; instead, I went for Cantonese to “minimize” her embarrassment in a room filled with 10 antsy patients. Because she was feigning innocence, I didn’t want to look like the bad guy picking a fight with a decrepit woman.
The room had gotten so quiet, you could hear a pin drop. It was eerie and intense at the same time. Those who knew Cantonese had stretched their necks out to listen in on my so-called “hushed” (meaning: not my usual loudmouth self) conversation gritting between my teeth.
Mind you, she didn’t know how close I was with my girls – she had called a few hours earlier asking if the office was open. When Tinny replied, “yes” – her response was, “Godhwucking dammit, you people been closed for 10+ days and I need my drugs.” The stupid thing is…don’t these idiots realize we can recognize your voice AND the girls will tell me EVERYTHING?
So I gave her an appointment for the next day. Technically I wanted to tell her to drop dead, but Rich hates it when I turn patients away, even if they’re one of Satan’s minions. He was dreading the visit because he didn’t want to deal with her and was too cowardly to really stand up for me. Whatever. I'll let him deal with it, like it or not.
Believe it or not, the bitch actually showed up the next day. I demanded Tinny to grab “Shit Kam Yuk’s” Chart (her name is Shiu Kam Yuk) and deliberately butchered her English name on purpose.
My girls and I were putting our best acting roles by behaving in the most despicable Chinese manner – to talk about others as though they’re not in the room. I barked at them for being “dumb fucks” for the lack of defending themselves and the doctor. Hey, when people verbally shit on you, you’re supposed to sling the crap right back…not take the abuse and call it a day. I told them that if they didn’t defend their asses again, I’d fired their asses ‘cuz I was tired of doing it for them. Oy.
At the same time, we were all fawning over the well-behaved patients with our sickening-gooey Hi’s and Bye’s and exclaiming how much we LOVE our patients who have WONDERFUL manners. Gosh! You make my job so simple by being so nice to us and giving us the things we need! Only if everyone was just like you!!
Of course, our blushing patients would gush right back with delightful responses like, “Oh, you girls are absolutely wonderful! I don’t know much English, so I always have to depend on you to help me out! It’s so nice how you girls are so sweet and kind to me every time I’m here! And gosh, you’re always reminding to get all of my prescriptions and telling me when’s the best time to come w/o waiting too long! So long now! I’ll see you in 3 months! Or maybe sooner!!!”
Bitch did not take it too well during our drooling session with our so-called favorite patient. We all knew the old guy would have a positive responseb which would not only inflate our ego, but it would make her look like the biggest c*nt on the planet.
Finally, Bitch goes in to Rich and sighs…she tries to tell him that my approach to communicating patients would one day jeopardize his business and how embarrassed she was the day before. She was appalled to have been so rudely spoken to for doing nothing wrong - my, oh my, I'm just a senior citizen! The best part? She tried to convey that she would now have to see another doctor because that pit bull (moi, of course) outside is just too intimidating and really bad for her nerves.
Rich had a field day on this one – he suggested that Dr. Pak is also an internist downstairs. She was shocked that he didn’t beg her back (ARE HWUCKING KIDDING ME?! WHO DA HWUCK YOU THINK YOU ARE?) and was at a loss for words. When she stuttered about having to find a Fukienese doctor, then Rich goes, “Oh sure! Go see Dr. Bo Chen, he’s Fukienese and his patients absolutely love him!”
[Heh. Dr. Bo Chen has sooo many patients in his office, you’d be dead by the time he sees you. Seriously, you’ll put your name down on the Register List at
So Rich wrote up a bunch of scripts and couldn't help grinning ear to ear. He was being exceptionally nice to make the departure just that much sweeter. Evil c*nt was fuming because her plan to make us beg and plead was thwarted. She probably rehearsed this whole hypothetical scene in her sick head of how things would've panned out if things had gone her way. So guess what the bitch does when she leave the exam room?
She starts muttering retarded shit like, “It’s been a great ride”, “The doctor’s a nice guy”, “I’ve been blessed to have known him” and whatever coming outta her fetid butthole. We all ignored her.
Then, and then…right before she reaches the door, she calls me a “stupid motherfucking bitch” in Fukienese over my countertop.
Furious, I ran right after her. I turned completely urban and ghetto and started yelling right up her face. Can you believe she still denied what she said? She had the nerve to say that the remark was intended for Rich’s mom's home aide (who was there earlier). I spat (literally sprayed) right back by saying that the home aide wasn’t in the office and the woman was Toishanese, so why don’t she just curse me out in my face???
What a big piece of chicken shit. I mean, seriously. If you wanna pick a fight, be able to stand on your ground. Don’t start shit and try to run. What caught her off-guard was my sudden reaction and face-off - most Chinese girls would stamp their feet, turn around and cry to their loved ones how a horrible person just called them a bad name.
Hell no. If it wasn’t for the surveillance camera aimed in the direction of my office door, I would’ve taken her cane and threw it down the stairs. I actually told her to rot in hell and if she ever stepped foot in my office I would call the cops to haul her ugly ass away.
She tried to spew profane crap at me in a nasty way, but the whole confrontation had already overwhelmed her. This c*nt is typical of the Fukienese bitches who ruin the lives of those around them and have nothing good to say about anyone. She was so accustomed to backstabbing people and getting away with it that she wasn't used to having it shoved back down her throat.
Rich was giddy. He actually said, “You got revenge for my mom.”
I eyed him suspiciously and said, “You’re an ass…if she was so horrible to your mom, you shouldn’t have seen her in the first place.”
So for an entire month – everyone in the office had gone "ghetto" and picked fights with each other – up close to your ugly mug, of course.