well they love you when you're weak
bet they hate to see this winning streak
it's that thing we call control
there's a deep frustration in their soul
black thoughts
that get stuck between someone's ears
like me and my big ideas
so many strings to your bow
why not let one go
in a way this dream is over
blown away our four leaf clover
there's no reason why
there's just me and my

me and my big ideas
won't wash away your tears
no one else seems to mind
that I'm not that kind

Me and My Big ideas - TFF

Tonight, I was perusing through www.memoriesfade.com, a site dedicated to TFF's FAQ's and good stuff like that. I wanted to respond to one of Heather's blogs with an excerpt from "Sorry", but instead, I chose something else entirely different. Although the title was appropriate to the blog's response, the meaning didn't quite illustrate my point.

While I was reading some of the lyrics, this particular one caught my eye. In this very specific phase of my current life, I have become extremely discriminant of my congeniality. Although Grace gets under my skin, she's not the driving factor of how I became this way.

Over the years, I had freely offered my time, gifts and advice to people who I believed to be trustworthy and loyal. Some have become life-long friends and some morphed into deceitful weasels. Nevertheless, I have always been nice. A little TOO nice. To the point where I find myself trapped in my own naivete and gullibility. If I surround myself with nice people, then it's hunky dory. However, if I happen to encounter a weasel in a sheep's outfit, then I will surely get screwed somehow.

I think this goes back to my childhood where I always wanted to known for being nice and sweet, rather than some loud-mouthed shorty. I cared too much about other people's feelings and thought everyone needed to be pleased. Okay, bad idea. After getting screwed royally a couple of times, I learned to extend the niceties in small dosages instead of opening the floodgates at once. This way, I can gauge how much or little I wish to offer. That being said, the last two lines of the song holds the highest significance to me right now.

The beginning excerpt is reminiscent of the times I've suffered the wrath of F%#$'ed up people who made it their mission seeking my downfall at Fido. Speaking of which, 2 of my fellow employees have recently been fired (within a few days of each other) and such actions were practically unheard of while I was there. Although corporate layoffs were common after 9/11, employee firings were only done as extreme measures to remove those threatening the equilibrium. Senior mgmt falsified their faults and deliberately made internal changes to eventually remove them.

Thank goodness I left before any more of the putrid crap flew in my direction.