Life's Lessons
One of the few things I've learned in my adult life is to never impose my philosophies & beliefs on anyone else. It doesn't matter how right I am, it's not my business. The only exceptions are made to individuals who trust me and vice versa. Even on certain occasions, it could be deemed inappropriate.
I have grown weary of people brazenly hounding me down for my so-called wisdom and time, only to discover later that they're disregarding it. I'm not saying you MUST take my advice, all I'm saying is, if you're gonna talk and cry my ear off for 4 hours, then please don't make me regret the opportunity cost of a blissful nap. For whatever the reason, people keep putting me in the position of being some seasoned individual who they can turn to. While it may appear flattering, it's hard job to take. Not that I ask for it, but I simply cannot turn people away in despair. So let them have my shoulder.
Since the advice I've provided isn't convenient or something they want to deal with, they revert back to sqaure one. Yeesh.
I have a dear friend who is stubborn as an ox and constantly defends positions based on her beliefs, fact or fiction. It mattered not whether people were right, only her limited experience weighed heavily on her outlook. So, for example, she was overworked, underpaid and stated that management needed to do something about the morale in the firm. Okay, let's take the same complaint and spin the angle - her job functions do not allow for growth, she's already getting paid on the high end of her grade level and there is nothing more management can do. So...how about looking elsewhere?
As friends, we've shared some heartfelt experiences and some personal gripes together. One of the things I tend to get annoyed at times is how she always takes my opponent's side. I, for one, prefer to side with my friend or play devil's advocate. It's a much more positive way of showing support. For argument's sake, she'd insist how my abrasive and brash behavior is the cause of the situation and uh, um, really, it's not exactly what I want to hear.
But anyhoo, I've learned to tune her out. Might as well let her live her life and she'll eventually (find out a bit later) see how it bites on her ass. She refuses to acknowledge the advice she solicits from me, so I prefer to have discussions about the sale racks in Banana Republic. On the other hand, whenever I hear words in the form of advice, I take it with a grain of salt and mentally file it...for later or never. I habitually process information to cushion myself against the changes in the weather and I've come to realize that not everyone does the same.
When it comes to matters in life, I try my best to keep my mouth shut. It's a hard task, but I have come a long way. You will never hear me say,
"When are you having kids?",
There are women who can't have kids and you may step on a land mine by asking this question. Besides, if you're not ready, then you're not ready. None of your beeswax!
"You MUST have another one!",
Are you the one giving birth and taking care of the next one? Are you contributing daycare costs for me?
"When's the wedding date?",
One of them is commitmentphobic...um...my boyfriend's gay!
or "Why haven't you guys bought a house yet?"
Um, uh, we're in debt...we're still paying for the wedding. And the car, student loans, credit card debt...
Even after you've provided your politically correct or truthful answers to the questions above, people will STILL insist on the babies, house and weddings. They'll innocently advocate their 2 cents with such gusto, you sometimes wish you could stuff a sock in 'em.
The saddest part is when reality strikes, it knocks them completely out. My friend is now experiencing some of these hard knocks in life, which of course, adds another layer of armor to her soul. Now she's actually loosened up and admitted that I was right all along. Although I don't go around saying, "I told you so," if certain opportunities do present itself; i.e. bitching and moaning sessions, the dam is removed. I don't add more salt to wound...instead, I rub neosporin on the wound roughly.
Honestly, I don't want people to experience some of the things I've seen in life...it's not exactly pretty. But if someone declares not wanting a home because of the financial beast of burden, immediately drop the topic and ask for directions on how to bake fluffier cookies. Don't pursue it by harping over the market values, decent loan rates and appreciation in value. Not only is the individual is now fixated with the Sci-Fi channel, but his/her pockets may be shallower than you think.
Even if you've faced life and death situations, it also doesn't grant you a free ticket to assume the upper hand on how people should live or breathe. Not everyone thinks and feels the emotions the same way that you do, therefore, back off. You may discuss the topic wholeheartedly if the audience is appropriate, but do realize that people may not be as mature as you are. Take what you hear with a grain of salt, determine if it's worth your battle and move on.
I have grown weary of people brazenly hounding me down for my so-called wisdom and time, only to discover later that they're disregarding it. I'm not saying you MUST take my advice, all I'm saying is, if you're gonna talk and cry my ear off for 4 hours, then please don't make me regret the opportunity cost of a blissful nap. For whatever the reason, people keep putting me in the position of being some seasoned individual who they can turn to. While it may appear flattering, it's hard job to take. Not that I ask for it, but I simply cannot turn people away in despair. So let them have my shoulder.
Since the advice I've provided isn't convenient or something they want to deal with, they revert back to sqaure one. Yeesh.
I have a dear friend who is stubborn as an ox and constantly defends positions based on her beliefs, fact or fiction. It mattered not whether people were right, only her limited experience weighed heavily on her outlook. So, for example, she was overworked, underpaid and stated that management needed to do something about the morale in the firm. Okay, let's take the same complaint and spin the angle - her job functions do not allow for growth, she's already getting paid on the high end of her grade level and there is nothing more management can do. So...how about looking elsewhere?
As friends, we've shared some heartfelt experiences and some personal gripes together. One of the things I tend to get annoyed at times is how she always takes my opponent's side. I, for one, prefer to side with my friend or play devil's advocate. It's a much more positive way of showing support. For argument's sake, she'd insist how my abrasive and brash behavior is the cause of the situation and uh, um, really, it's not exactly what I want to hear.
But anyhoo, I've learned to tune her out. Might as well let her live her life and she'll eventually (find out a bit later) see how it bites on her ass. She refuses to acknowledge the advice she solicits from me, so I prefer to have discussions about the sale racks in Banana Republic. On the other hand, whenever I hear words in the form of advice, I take it with a grain of salt and mentally file it...for later or never. I habitually process information to cushion myself against the changes in the weather and I've come to realize that not everyone does the same.
When it comes to matters in life, I try my best to keep my mouth shut. It's a hard task, but I have come a long way. You will never hear me say,
"When are you having kids?",
There are women who can't have kids and you may step on a land mine by asking this question. Besides, if you're not ready, then you're not ready. None of your beeswax!
"You MUST have another one!",
Are you the one giving birth and taking care of the next one? Are you contributing daycare costs for me?
"When's the wedding date?",
One of them is commitmentphobic...um...my boyfriend's gay!
or "Why haven't you guys bought a house yet?"
Um, uh, we're in debt...we're still paying for the wedding. And the car, student loans, credit card debt...
Even after you've provided your politically correct or truthful answers to the questions above, people will STILL insist on the babies, house and weddings. They'll innocently advocate their 2 cents with such gusto, you sometimes wish you could stuff a sock in 'em.
The saddest part is when reality strikes, it knocks them completely out. My friend is now experiencing some of these hard knocks in life, which of course, adds another layer of armor to her soul. Now she's actually loosened up and admitted that I was right all along. Although I don't go around saying, "I told you so," if certain opportunities do present itself; i.e. bitching and moaning sessions, the dam is removed. I don't add more salt to wound...instead, I rub neosporin on the wound roughly.
Honestly, I don't want people to experience some of the things I've seen in life...it's not exactly pretty. But if someone declares not wanting a home because of the financial beast of burden, immediately drop the topic and ask for directions on how to bake fluffier cookies. Don't pursue it by harping over the market values, decent loan rates and appreciation in value. Not only is the individual is now fixated with the Sci-Fi channel, but his/her pockets may be shallower than you think.
Even if you've faced life and death situations, it also doesn't grant you a free ticket to assume the upper hand on how people should live or breathe. Not everyone thinks and feels the emotions the same way that you do, therefore, back off. You may discuss the topic wholeheartedly if the audience is appropriate, but do realize that people may not be as mature as you are. Take what you hear with a grain of salt, determine if it's worth your battle and move on.
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My aunts (my mother's brothers wives) were a bit like that. When are you getting married? Why aren't you married yet? When are you getting married?
They started asking me and my sister this when we were 18 and 16.
Keeping in mind that in my mother's household, they called her a lesbian because she wasn't married by 18 and a communist because she wanted to go to college.
As I got older it got harder to bite my tongue and not respond to my aunt's questions with "so I don't end up a bitter middle aged boozer like yourself?"
heh
They started asking me and my sister this when we were 18 and 16.
Keeping in mind that in my mother's household, they called her a lesbian because she wasn't married by 18 and a communist because she wanted to go to college.
As I got older it got harder to bite my tongue and not respond to my aunt's questions with "so I don't end up a bitter middle aged boozer like yourself?"
heh
