RANT: Show a little Self-Control, Would Ya?
Okay, this happened on Monday and I really wanted to blog this sooner, but I had to pay my bills. Apparently in the midst of my laziness, shopping frenzy and school participation, I had FORGOTTEN all about 'em. I pay them twice a month, so I missed the boat on the second half. Whoopsie.
I've been hanging out with a bunch of moms from school (since my regular hang-out crew is still in the rat race). Like with everything in life, there's the good, the bad and the butt ugly. I've weeded out a lot of people because I refuse to be near those that are venomous, vicious and again, butt ugly. They try to enlist me to join their heinous club of social bigots while waiting for their kids to get out of school at 5PM. These witches don't work, want to know about everyone's business and try to cast evil spells on the nice and simple working class folks. Worst of all, they schmooze over to me because they somehow found out that Mikayla's dad is a physician.
Their actions disgust me. I believe in being financially independent and having your own individuality...so my blood boils when they add emphasis on his title. [WTF?] But I let them think what they want. In the past, I have learned that sometimes giving your opinion will assist these leeches in the process of improving themselves. My role in this karmic realm is not for their added benefit. Indeed it is a luxury to be a stay-at-home mom, but only to some extent. I'm primarily home to recover from a decade of corporate burnout. Unfortunately, these people sure know how to put a bad name into being a "home economist". [I hate the term homemaker or housewife. It's such an empty reference for a woman.]
So, I try my best to dodge away from them. Then I meet up with the "normal" folks...but when you get to know them, they ain't too normal either. There seems to be a higher number of basket cases in Miki's school than at work. Methinks it has much to do with being raised in a Chinese family where flexibility is encouraged for the wrong reasons and inflexibility is proof of discipline and predictability. Basically, try not to think out of the box, okay? Just do what I say because I say so.
So now, there's this mom I hang out with, Grace, who's extremely congenial, but a tad bit too anxious about all matters in life. She's like white on rice with everything, goes to extremes in any issue, large or small. I felt somewhat indebted to her because she'd furnish photos of Mikayla in many of the school events. Grace captured a lot of the memorable moments of Miki during my absence. To reciprocate her kindness, we'd accommodate her daughter, Kristy, on school trips. After all, one hand does wash the other.
She seemed peppy and extremely helpful and one day, I asked her to have lunch with me. We hung out on a few more occasions and it was nice to finally talk to another parent [most of my friends aren't even married] about kids and stuff. But with each meeting, a new and rather shocking story would unravel about Grace. On her own accord, she'd reveal her inner secrets which ladened me with the burden of trust. It's not so much that I couldn't handle it, I just did not want the responsibility especially from a woman I hardly knew. Ironically, many of her experiences parallel mine.
Last summer, I invited them over for a playdate. After two playdates, it was clear that Mikayla was not keen with Kristy and was unusually intimidated by Grace. Although this may sound odd, my daughter is actually an excellent judge of psychic character [that's a whole other story as there is a rather deep explanation - our culture believes in previous lives and personal auras]. However, I do gauge Miki's response towards people as she cannot articulate her feelings at this age. Acknowledging her stress, I made excuses for them not to come over.
Although Grace is extremely helpful, this very attribute can be overbearing as well. She can not seem to comprehend that there are people in this world do not wish to be helped. And...most importantly, not all deeds will be reciprocated equally. Thus, she failed to learn this lesson (especially when she paid an extremely high price on it) and will forever be exploited by people whom she tries hard to please. Moreover, Grace is under the impression that people will appreciate you based on your actions, which I know for a fact, is not always the case. Whenever you do something nice to her, she attempts to return the favor by exceeding the value of what you've given to her.
As my friend Chie put it best - I don't feel sorry for these people because they're basically asking themselves to get screwed.
I have no qualms telling her off when she goes on with her boisterous rants and raves, but I end up with a migraine when spending a moment's time with her. An unusually high population of parents ostracize her because of bluntness and overly hyper behavior. Because apples don't fall far from the tree, Kristy emulates her mom's demeanor.
The one thing she's managed to conceal about herself is her status as a single mom on welfare. Some people are extremely sensitive about being in that situation, as society tends to place brutal stereotypes and assumptions about these folks. I, for one, never discriminate on those grounds especially since a good number of my childhood friends grew up under those circumstances.
To further hide her social status, she denies her daughter nothing. Unfortunately, the child is ungrateful and spoiled to the point of having shrieking tantrums in public. Most children, however spoiled, will leave their feral tantrums at home because parents don't allow this behavior past their doors. Because of this, I try to keep Miki away from them - Kristy actually had the nerve to throw a fit in my own home. Although Grace tried to calm and discipline her child, moving the boundaries will only fuel the fire. Don't ever bluff with your kid...ever.
After one single episode, my child went from being mild mannered to a screaming freak and stamped on her foot on the floor when I gave her a time-out. Because she saw how Kristy reacted to get something her way, Miki obviously mimicked the same actions to have me 'cave in'. Oh no, no, no, no...wrong person to pick on.
I don't mind giving Grace a few extra things or treating her to a few lunches from time to time. Whenever appropriate, she tries to reciprocates with coffee or something for Mikayla. She's not a moocher, but openly needy. Unfortunately, she has the inability to refrain from displaying her materialistic neediness in the public eye. Because of this, she has a tendency think out LOUD. Oy.
Ironically, you give Grace something, she does not exemplify her namesake or finesse [this is what irks me so...]. Now, I know this sounds extremely harsh coming from me. I have always enjoyed giving to people a sentifmental or practical gift. I was programmed by my parents to give and not to ask (the latter sucks, btw!). It delights me to bring a warm smile to someone's heart and I love buying or making origami crafts for people.
HOWEVER, I despise and loathe moochers. Unfortunately, my relatives are predominantly comprised of moochers and would only call if they needed something. My mother would force me to drop everything (even exams during college) to run half-assed errands for my family. This is what you get for being the only schmuck in the family who speaks English. But that's another rant. Do I get a word of thanks? Of course not. My relatives saw my family's generosity milked it to their advantage. Why? Because charity can be construed as a free ride for the Chinese. Yet another rant. I was crushed 'cuz it hurts to know that your generosity is seen to be a form of stupidity. Since then, I have been cautious about who I would exert any effort for.
In Grace's case, she means well, but her needy factor has now breached my nervous system. Grace currently works in Rich's office part-time and has been eyeballing his sample meds from the moment she walked in [it's not as if she personally takes them, although I can opine how she could use some Zoloft or Prozac]. Reading her emotions, I specifically warned her NOT to ask for the samples as they are intended for patients (you think?).
On Monday, I asked Rich to give me some extra samples of Lipitor for my mother because my uncle will be visiting China next week. Since my mom's supply has been depleted, I figured I could take some from the office in the meantime. Grace overheard my request and immediately pounced on it as well. I shot her a nasty look, recanted the samples, and asked him to give me a script instead. Rich being in an awkward situation, told her to take a handful and leave enough for him. Pissed as hell, I snapped at Rich in our native Chinese dialect (I speak two dialects fluently), to save him a bit of face. I chewed his ass out regarding this so-called generosity because Grace has a bad habit of taking more than a fair share of the pie.
Literally, she took a handful. Instead of taking 1 or 2 packets of Lipitor, she took 5 for her dad. I was not pleased. I don't even take the samples for my own mother and make her pay for her meds. I made an exception in this case due to the policies dictated by the insurance company - certain drugs can only be prescribed 1, 2 or 3 months at a given time. Since it is still undetermined when my mother will return, I didn't want my mom's internal system go kablooey. I was completely put off by Grace's evident eagerness for these samples.
The first time I realized this behavior was also in Rich's office. During last summer, I stopped by to drop something off and she spotted my little pile of origami stars I folded from straws. Those were a BITCH to make. Grace oooh'ed and ahhh'ed over them and I offered her to take some. Out of 45 stars, she only left me 5. Here comes the needy part... by demonstratively behaving this way, she goes on her dribble drabble (to me) about being unlucky and unprosperous to afford any luxuries in life. Some of the nasty moms at school acutely noticed this and completely trash Grace behind her back [seems like we're back in high school again].
Another irksome episode - one of the insurance companies left an enormous bag of marketing 'goodies' for mass distribution. I asked her whether or not she was interested in some, and she gladly took 3/4 of the bag. Hmm...I think it summed up to about 50 penlight keychains, 40 cheesy pens, and 25 bandage holders. Let's not hold back, shall we??? Even though these were freebies, I was rather annoyed. Then she proceeded to ask me for a larger and durable bag to contain the items. In truth, what does one do with so many pen lights?!?!!?
Okay, okay, I know that I was the one who OFFERED the stars, keychains, and all the whatnot, but most people don't usually take nearly everything! The only time I've seen this happened to me was my former boss, Jim, who LOVED dim sum and happily shoved 2 mini steamed pork buns in his mouth and grabbed two more for each of his free hands. Now that's one content and fed Irishman. Of course, Jim's actions were EXPECTED. We all love him no matter what. But that's whole other ball of wax.
But here's another case where I did NOT hand out my freebies. Gracie came by one day and saw all of my scrapbooking stuff strewn all over my apartment. I have a bad habit of leaving my supplies out until I am completely finished with the current project. So...that being said, I had just received a nice, big package in the mail from my ebay seller loaded with scrapbooking goodies. I was testing my new toys out when she arrived at my front door (unexpectedly). She admired my work and was again, in awe, with my ability to create interesting and whimsical pieces. Then she goes, "This is GREAT! Because you have all of the scrapbooking supplies already, I'll just come over and use them!"
Erm...did I invite you? Where on my forehead did it say, "FREE SUPPLIES AVAILABLE FOR USE"? I mean, I was only showing her my stuff and the items required to create these pages because she ASKED. Thank goodness I was in a fair mood that morning or else I'd erupt in a wicked pissing match. So I turned the tables around and said with a clenched jaw:
Linda: Sure. But do you know what you're going to do and how you plan to create your scrapbooking pages?
Grace: Uh, no. I'm not very creative or artistic. I usually like to buy stuff that's already been made.
Linda: Ah well, a lot of this stuff takes a lot of time and thought. Not all pages I make are finished in a day. Sometimes it'll take me a week. I sometimes just prime a background and come back to it a few weeks later.
Grace: Oh.
Okay, this is one long and bitching blog. But hell, I'm pissed!
Furthermore, Grace lacks individuality. Her stagnant self dwells on the past and cannot move forth in the future. Her blinders are cemented on her head which she refuses pry them off. I became weary of being the sole source of entertainment and the woman hardly cracks a funny joke or an interesting moment in her life. Due to the fact she also takes things so literally, I am forced to outline the specifics or else statements becomes misconstrued. In October, I accompanied Chie to Duran Duran's in-store signing (Times Square) at the crack of dawn and asked Grace to watch Mikayla since school officially opened at 8:30AM. People had wondered why Miki was with Grace and queried my whereabouts. She 'gracefully' blurted out that I went to get concert tickets instead of saying that I had some business to attend to. Oy.
Last but not least, this may sound utterly and totally new-agey, but she has a serious effect on my feng shui energy within my home. It's like putting a large magnet on top of your hard drive and it just scrambles the circuitry. Each time she comes over, something unsettling would erupt within my household. I would get into hissing matches, lose my patience with everyone, have unfortunate kitchen accidents during cooking, etc. It sounds whack, but it's absolutely true. How can I make such an absurd statement? Future blog.
Bitch Rant is OVER! Did it help your insomnia?
I've been hanging out with a bunch of moms from school (since my regular hang-out crew is still in the rat race). Like with everything in life, there's the good, the bad and the butt ugly. I've weeded out a lot of people because I refuse to be near those that are venomous, vicious and again, butt ugly. They try to enlist me to join their heinous club of social bigots while waiting for their kids to get out of school at 5PM. These witches don't work, want to know about everyone's business and try to cast evil spells on the nice and simple working class folks. Worst of all, they schmooze over to me because they somehow found out that Mikayla's dad is a physician.
Their actions disgust me. I believe in being financially independent and having your own individuality...so my blood boils when they add emphasis on his title. [WTF?] But I let them think what they want. In the past, I have learned that sometimes giving your opinion will assist these leeches in the process of improving themselves. My role in this karmic realm is not for their added benefit. Indeed it is a luxury to be a stay-at-home mom, but only to some extent. I'm primarily home to recover from a decade of corporate burnout. Unfortunately, these people sure know how to put a bad name into being a "home economist". [I hate the term homemaker or housewife. It's such an empty reference for a woman.]
So, I try my best to dodge away from them. Then I meet up with the "normal" folks...but when you get to know them, they ain't too normal either. There seems to be a higher number of basket cases in Miki's school than at work. Methinks it has much to do with being raised in a Chinese family where flexibility is encouraged for the wrong reasons and inflexibility is proof of discipline and predictability. Basically, try not to think out of the box, okay? Just do what I say because I say so.
So now, there's this mom I hang out with, Grace, who's extremely congenial, but a tad bit too anxious about all matters in life. She's like white on rice with everything, goes to extremes in any issue, large or small. I felt somewhat indebted to her because she'd furnish photos of Mikayla in many of the school events. Grace captured a lot of the memorable moments of Miki during my absence. To reciprocate her kindness, we'd accommodate her daughter, Kristy, on school trips. After all, one hand does wash the other.
She seemed peppy and extremely helpful and one day, I asked her to have lunch with me. We hung out on a few more occasions and it was nice to finally talk to another parent [most of my friends aren't even married] about kids and stuff. But with each meeting, a new and rather shocking story would unravel about Grace. On her own accord, she'd reveal her inner secrets which ladened me with the burden of trust. It's not so much that I couldn't handle it, I just did not want the responsibility especially from a woman I hardly knew. Ironically, many of her experiences parallel mine.
Last summer, I invited them over for a playdate. After two playdates, it was clear that Mikayla was not keen with Kristy and was unusually intimidated by Grace. Although this may sound odd, my daughter is actually an excellent judge of psychic character [that's a whole other story as there is a rather deep explanation - our culture believes in previous lives and personal auras]. However, I do gauge Miki's response towards people as she cannot articulate her feelings at this age. Acknowledging her stress, I made excuses for them not to come over.
Although Grace is extremely helpful, this very attribute can be overbearing as well. She can not seem to comprehend that there are people in this world do not wish to be helped. And...most importantly, not all deeds will be reciprocated equally. Thus, she failed to learn this lesson (especially when she paid an extremely high price on it) and will forever be exploited by people whom she tries hard to please. Moreover, Grace is under the impression that people will appreciate you based on your actions, which I know for a fact, is not always the case. Whenever you do something nice to her, she attempts to return the favor by exceeding the value of what you've given to her.
As my friend Chie put it best - I don't feel sorry for these people because they're basically asking themselves to get screwed.
I have no qualms telling her off when she goes on with her boisterous rants and raves, but I end up with a migraine when spending a moment's time with her. An unusually high population of parents ostracize her because of bluntness and overly hyper behavior. Because apples don't fall far from the tree, Kristy emulates her mom's demeanor.
The one thing she's managed to conceal about herself is her status as a single mom on welfare. Some people are extremely sensitive about being in that situation, as society tends to place brutal stereotypes and assumptions about these folks. I, for one, never discriminate on those grounds especially since a good number of my childhood friends grew up under those circumstances.
To further hide her social status, she denies her daughter nothing. Unfortunately, the child is ungrateful and spoiled to the point of having shrieking tantrums in public. Most children, however spoiled, will leave their feral tantrums at home because parents don't allow this behavior past their doors. Because of this, I try to keep Miki away from them - Kristy actually had the nerve to throw a fit in my own home. Although Grace tried to calm and discipline her child, moving the boundaries will only fuel the fire. Don't ever bluff with your kid...ever.
After one single episode, my child went from being mild mannered to a screaming freak and stamped on her foot on the floor when I gave her a time-out. Because she saw how Kristy reacted to get something her way, Miki obviously mimicked the same actions to have me 'cave in'. Oh no, no, no, no...wrong person to pick on.
I don't mind giving Grace a few extra things or treating her to a few lunches from time to time. Whenever appropriate, she tries to reciprocates with coffee or something for Mikayla. She's not a moocher, but openly needy. Unfortunately, she has the inability to refrain from displaying her materialistic neediness in the public eye. Because of this, she has a tendency think out LOUD. Oy.
Ironically, you give Grace something, she does not exemplify her namesake or finesse [this is what irks me so...]. Now, I know this sounds extremely harsh coming from me. I have always enjoyed giving to people a sentifmental or practical gift. I was programmed by my parents to give and not to ask (the latter sucks, btw!). It delights me to bring a warm smile to someone's heart and I love buying or making origami crafts for people.
HOWEVER, I despise and loathe moochers. Unfortunately, my relatives are predominantly comprised of moochers and would only call if they needed something. My mother would force me to drop everything (even exams during college) to run half-assed errands for my family. This is what you get for being the only schmuck in the family who speaks English. But that's another rant. Do I get a word of thanks? Of course not. My relatives saw my family's generosity milked it to their advantage. Why? Because charity can be construed as a free ride for the Chinese. Yet another rant. I was crushed 'cuz it hurts to know that your generosity is seen to be a form of stupidity. Since then, I have been cautious about who I would exert any effort for.
In Grace's case, she means well, but her needy factor has now breached my nervous system. Grace currently works in Rich's office part-time and has been eyeballing his sample meds from the moment she walked in [it's not as if she personally takes them, although I can opine how she could use some Zoloft or Prozac]. Reading her emotions, I specifically warned her NOT to ask for the samples as they are intended for patients (you think?).
On Monday, I asked Rich to give me some extra samples of Lipitor for my mother because my uncle will be visiting China next week. Since my mom's supply has been depleted, I figured I could take some from the office in the meantime. Grace overheard my request and immediately pounced on it as well. I shot her a nasty look, recanted the samples, and asked him to give me a script instead. Rich being in an awkward situation, told her to take a handful and leave enough for him. Pissed as hell, I snapped at Rich in our native Chinese dialect (I speak two dialects fluently), to save him a bit of face. I chewed his ass out regarding this so-called generosity because Grace has a bad habit of taking more than a fair share of the pie.
Literally, she took a handful. Instead of taking 1 or 2 packets of Lipitor, she took 5 for her dad. I was not pleased. I don't even take the samples for my own mother and make her pay for her meds. I made an exception in this case due to the policies dictated by the insurance company - certain drugs can only be prescribed 1, 2 or 3 months at a given time. Since it is still undetermined when my mother will return, I didn't want my mom's internal system go kablooey. I was completely put off by Grace's evident eagerness for these samples.
The first time I realized this behavior was also in Rich's office. During last summer, I stopped by to drop something off and she spotted my little pile of origami stars I folded from straws. Those were a BITCH to make. Grace oooh'ed and ahhh'ed over them and I offered her to take some. Out of 45 stars, she only left me 5. Here comes the needy part... by demonstratively behaving this way, she goes on her dribble drabble (to me) about being unlucky and unprosperous to afford any luxuries in life. Some of the nasty moms at school acutely noticed this and completely trash Grace behind her back [seems like we're back in high school again].
Another irksome episode - one of the insurance companies left an enormous bag of marketing 'goodies' for mass distribution. I asked her whether or not she was interested in some, and she gladly took 3/4 of the bag. Hmm...I think it summed up to about 50 penlight keychains, 40 cheesy pens, and 25 bandage holders. Let's not hold back, shall we??? Even though these were freebies, I was rather annoyed. Then she proceeded to ask me for a larger and durable bag to contain the items. In truth, what does one do with so many pen lights?!?!!?
Okay, okay, I know that I was the one who OFFERED the stars, keychains, and all the whatnot, but most people don't usually take nearly everything! The only time I've seen this happened to me was my former boss, Jim, who LOVED dim sum and happily shoved 2 mini steamed pork buns in his mouth and grabbed two more for each of his free hands. Now that's one content and fed Irishman. Of course, Jim's actions were EXPECTED. We all love him no matter what. But that's whole other ball of wax.
But here's another case where I did NOT hand out my freebies. Gracie came by one day and saw all of my scrapbooking stuff strewn all over my apartment. I have a bad habit of leaving my supplies out until I am completely finished with the current project. So...that being said, I had just received a nice, big package in the mail from my ebay seller loaded with scrapbooking goodies. I was testing my new toys out when she arrived at my front door (unexpectedly). She admired my work and was again, in awe, with my ability to create interesting and whimsical pieces. Then she goes, "This is GREAT! Because you have all of the scrapbooking supplies already, I'll just come over and use them!"
Erm...did I invite you? Where on my forehead did it say, "FREE SUPPLIES AVAILABLE FOR USE"? I mean, I was only showing her my stuff and the items required to create these pages because she ASKED. Thank goodness I was in a fair mood that morning or else I'd erupt in a wicked pissing match. So I turned the tables around and said with a clenched jaw:
Linda: Sure. But do you know what you're going to do and how you plan to create your scrapbooking pages?
Grace: Uh, no. I'm not very creative or artistic. I usually like to buy stuff that's already been made.
Linda: Ah well, a lot of this stuff takes a lot of time and thought. Not all pages I make are finished in a day. Sometimes it'll take me a week. I sometimes just prime a background and come back to it a few weeks later.
Grace: Oh.
Okay, this is one long and bitching blog. But hell, I'm pissed!
Furthermore, Grace lacks individuality. Her stagnant self dwells on the past and cannot move forth in the future. Her blinders are cemented on her head which she refuses pry them off. I became weary of being the sole source of entertainment and the woman hardly cracks a funny joke or an interesting moment in her life. Due to the fact she also takes things so literally, I am forced to outline the specifics or else statements becomes misconstrued. In October, I accompanied Chie to Duran Duran's in-store signing (Times Square) at the crack of dawn and asked Grace to watch Mikayla since school officially opened at 8:30AM. People had wondered why Miki was with Grace and queried my whereabouts. She 'gracefully' blurted out that I went to get concert tickets instead of saying that I had some business to attend to. Oy.
Last but not least, this may sound utterly and totally new-agey, but she has a serious effect on my feng shui energy within my home. It's like putting a large magnet on top of your hard drive and it just scrambles the circuitry. Each time she comes over, something unsettling would erupt within my household. I would get into hissing matches, lose my patience with everyone, have unfortunate kitchen accidents during cooking, etc. It sounds whack, but it's absolutely true. How can I make such an absurd statement? Future blog.
Bitch Rant is OVER! Did it help your insomnia?
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Much like that shocking email from a TFF fan that I think I shared with you last month where the person basically felt she was the center of the universe and our purpose was to wait on her hand and foot - the email you'll recall included the most petty slander against a list member who was not even a factor in the issue she and I were attempting to discuss - it is amazing how people gossip about you, like it or not, whether you're a mom or a webmaster, no matter what you do.
I look at it in the way that I do if, say, I am watching Emmerdale on Thursday night and I am being particularly annoyed at how smarmy a certain character is, to the point where my face is turning red. Well, my face it turning red because I have chosen to watch the program and to make it worth turning red over. On Friday night I won't so much as turn on the TV and I'll do something else. Yes - she's a manipulative bitch - but think of it this way.
At college (which I'm now inclined, being honorary British, to call "university"), my major was international affairs. Which is studying global politics, history, economics, religion, culture and geography, and figuring out the alchemy that brings them all together like it or not. Anyhoo, when that's your major, for freshman year all you study is game theory. Really. You spend a whole semester on "The Prisoner's Dilemma." Which is: that you have two parties who are inclined to stab each other in various sensitive body parts. Their options are: Win/Win, Win/Lose, Lose/Win, or Lose/Lose. If you are a party and Win/Win is not an option, and Win/Lose would just create bad chi (which is not a recognized concept at the UN bargaining table naturally) - the only way to win the game is to turn the gaming board over and leave the room.
Which is to say, ++++ Grace and her petty little world. You were fine without the mommies circle before and you'll do fine without.
And - speaking from experience - you need to get out because, whether you realize it or not, YOU ARE A PARTY to Kirsty's growing dysfunction. By condoning Grace's behavior you are also condoning it in Kirsty's eyes and you are contributing to the inevitable screw ups she's going to run into in a few years. Trust me. You can live with a friendship gone bad, it's when you have actively contributed to the screwing up as a child (consciously or not) that you still have nightmares about it seven years later.
But enough about me.
Heather
three glasses down
I look at it in the way that I do if, say, I am watching Emmerdale on Thursday night and I am being particularly annoyed at how smarmy a certain character is, to the point where my face is turning red. Well, my face it turning red because I have chosen to watch the program and to make it worth turning red over. On Friday night I won't so much as turn on the TV and I'll do something else. Yes - she's a manipulative bitch - but think of it this way.
At college (which I'm now inclined, being honorary British, to call "university"), my major was international affairs. Which is studying global politics, history, economics, religion, culture and geography, and figuring out the alchemy that brings them all together like it or not. Anyhoo, when that's your major, for freshman year all you study is game theory. Really. You spend a whole semester on "The Prisoner's Dilemma." Which is: that you have two parties who are inclined to stab each other in various sensitive body parts. Their options are: Win/Win, Win/Lose, Lose/Win, or Lose/Lose. If you are a party and Win/Win is not an option, and Win/Lose would just create bad chi (which is not a recognized concept at the UN bargaining table naturally) - the only way to win the game is to turn the gaming board over and leave the room.
Which is to say, ++++ Grace and her petty little world. You were fine without the mommies circle before and you'll do fine without.
And - speaking from experience - you need to get out because, whether you realize it or not, YOU ARE A PARTY to Kirsty's growing dysfunction. By condoning Grace's behavior you are also condoning it in Kirsty's eyes and you are contributing to the inevitable screw ups she's going to run into in a few years. Trust me. You can live with a friendship gone bad, it's when you have actively contributed to the screwing up as a child (consciously or not) that you still have nightmares about it seven years later.
But enough about me.
Heather
three glasses down
Wow! Thanks for pointing that out!
Thankfully, there is a heaven up there. The best thing about Miki's school that it starts at 8:30AM-5:PM...WAHOOO!! Gotta love those extended hours. This aids in minimizing my encounters with Kristy and her mother after school hours. We usually hang out when our kids are in school, not when they're out.
Since Grace has been recently been employed by Rich, the nature of our relationship demanded me to become more diplomatic and set clear boundaries. Even though we are 'friends', matters involving business and money bring a lot of ruin over minute things. At my last job, I learned that being too chummy with your employees can put you in a really F$#%$#% up position. So no more chummies, just a cordial hi and goodbye. We'll see how things go in the next few weeks/months...
But you know, after reading your passage, it really makes a whole ton of sense. Although I knew intuitively to flee the scene, I just never understood why. Sometimes I just listen to what my gut says and run with it. No need to question it.
Good thing you mentioned about chi, most folks don't even know what it was, so I decided not use the term. The last time I mentioned chi, one of my idiot (and he's Chinese) friends thought I was having an affair with Fedex guy. I said something similar to this passage:
I received a long awaited parcel today delivered by Fedex this morning. I could feel the energy emanating from within when the package was being handed to me. The strong force of Chi ran through my body and sent me reeling.
I was having fun with the whole concept of Feng Shui and would occasionally joke on the topic. My idiot friend thought I was lusting after a guy named, Chi, and it took me a whole minute to realize what he meant as opposed to what I said. The package contained a set of tarot cards and a new feng shui book. Hehehe!
Thankfully, there is a heaven up there. The best thing about Miki's school that it starts at 8:30AM-5:PM...WAHOOO!! Gotta love those extended hours. This aids in minimizing my encounters with Kristy and her mother after school hours. We usually hang out when our kids are in school, not when they're out.
Since Grace has been recently been employed by Rich, the nature of our relationship demanded me to become more diplomatic and set clear boundaries. Even though we are 'friends', matters involving business and money bring a lot of ruin over minute things. At my last job, I learned that being too chummy with your employees can put you in a really F$#%$#% up position. So no more chummies, just a cordial hi and goodbye. We'll see how things go in the next few weeks/months...
But you know, after reading your passage, it really makes a whole ton of sense. Although I knew intuitively to flee the scene, I just never understood why. Sometimes I just listen to what my gut says and run with it. No need to question it.
Good thing you mentioned about chi, most folks don't even know what it was, so I decided not use the term. The last time I mentioned chi, one of my idiot (and he's Chinese) friends thought I was having an affair with Fedex guy. I said something similar to this passage:
I received a long awaited parcel today delivered by Fedex this morning. I could feel the energy emanating from within when the package was being handed to me. The strong force of Chi ran through my body and sent me reeling.
I was having fun with the whole concept of Feng Shui and would occasionally joke on the topic. My idiot friend thought I was lusting after a guy named, Chi, and it took me a whole minute to realize what he meant as opposed to what I said. The package contained a set of tarot cards and a new feng shui book. Hehehe!