I'm such a slacker...
Mommy Madness
I have to thank "Desperate Housewives" for their highlights on mommyhood. If it wasn't for the show, then explaining this would've been, at best, moot. One of the moms on the show, Lynette, lost her marbles, abruptly dropped off her 4 young children at her friend's house and simply drove off. Concerned, her friends sought after her, in high hopes that no harm was done to herself. Fortunately, they find her seated on the side of road/park agonizing over her new role as a full-time mom. While Lynette struggled to find the right words describing her internal strifes, her two friends unanimously consoled her by stating how managing a family was an arduous task. Dumbfounded, Lynnette tearfully looked at them and said,
"Why didn't anyone ever say this?"
Most folks generally hoo-hah or ho-hum over the topic regarding this burnout and the demands facing mommyhood today. This article summarizes what I have been trying convey all along, but people are looking at me as if to say, "Wha? You can't cut it? Then what kind of mother are you?"
Simply because I stated very clearly - raising children is NOT as simple as it seems. At least I had the balls to throw my gauntlet on the floor and make it my declaration. To some extent, it's a sacrifice, depending on how you look at it and how you live your life. Some people can take it on, while others cannot.
To start, images of Carol Brady and Shirley Partridge must be obliterated before understanding any of this. Times have changed, people have changed, and so has society. It is ideal to be at home with your child and nurture the time spent. It is not, however, when you reach the point of having to give yourself up. Nowadays, mortgages are a shared responsiblity and not all men are the breadwinners. So the task of juggling life, work, and home gets to be a very complex puzzle to solve.
We need to worry if our children are fed (with nutritious food, that is), clothed (especially the stuff from the Gap or Gymboree), bathed (with organic soap or Dove), read to (politically correct storybook characters - Tinky Winky, anyone?), etc. Men are either in the whole scheme of things or not. Today, women are suffering from burnout because we're holding higher job positions and expected to come home and be a f/t mommy. Dads are working longer hours, but they're not necessarily held 100% accountable to the same ideals that are imposed on the moms. I mean, after all, if you see a kid who looks like they emerged from the pit of hyenas, the first thing comes to mind, "Where's the mom?" or "What was his mother thinking?".
With a flurry of activity going on, where do mothers find the time to do what they enjoy most? Is this why spas are now the rage and having massages is now a form of escape? In my case, people not only say that I spend too much time crafting (I really enjoy it as an artform), but that I'm cutting corners in parenting. Most women at Miki's school don't have an identity except through their husbands OR to be the 'perfect' mother. To me, it's absurd.
Do I really need to be in my kid's face 24/7? Of course not. Mikayla needs to learn independence and to play on her own. By being in her salad too much, Miki became clingy, stubborn and worst of all, anti-social. Everything had to revolve around mommy - of course, it's nice. But when I have do my personal business in the bathroom, I don't need to her to check up on me every 2 minutes and say, "Are you finished yet? Are you poo-pooing?"
Some of us are lucky. We have our mothers to watch our kids when we need a break or go do our errands. But others are not. I was raised to expect nothing from others, so I don't appreciate it when people tell me to pop babies and have my mom watch over them. I, personally, dislike the feedings in the middle of the night, potty training, or the monthly visits to the pediatrician. Granted, there are blissfully happy moments with a wee child at home, but overall, I don't need another baby to affirm my presence on this planet. Mikayla's father is genetically related to Quasimodo with two left feet, so parenting duties were split between myself and my mom.
And if you're married to a husband who isn't afraid of a little work, it makes a world of difference. Even though if the parenting aspect isn't perfect, efforts should be acknowledged. No one really wings it right the first time. Although Mikayla wasn't the first baby I've taken care of, I put her diapers on lopsided and dressed her clothing inside out. I was too intimidated to give her a bath and insisted my disabled mom to do it. To me, she was the REAL pro. She maneuvered the baby deftly and effortlessly - while she's only 4'10" (going on 4'8") with two abnormally short arms.
Plus, there's nothing wrong with a single child. No study on this planet can convince me that having multiple kids is better than just having one. So, don't tell me that I need to give her a brother. And by that, why a brother and not a sister?
Another rant.
I have to thank "Desperate Housewives" for their highlights on mommyhood. If it wasn't for the show, then explaining this would've been, at best, moot. One of the moms on the show, Lynette, lost her marbles, abruptly dropped off her 4 young children at her friend's house and simply drove off. Concerned, her friends sought after her, in high hopes that no harm was done to herself. Fortunately, they find her seated on the side of road/park agonizing over her new role as a full-time mom. While Lynette struggled to find the right words describing her internal strifes, her two friends unanimously consoled her by stating how managing a family was an arduous task. Dumbfounded, Lynnette tearfully looked at them and said,
"Why didn't anyone ever say this?"
Most folks generally hoo-hah or ho-hum over the topic regarding this burnout and the demands facing mommyhood today. This article summarizes what I have been trying convey all along, but people are looking at me as if to say, "Wha? You can't cut it? Then what kind of mother are you?"
Simply because I stated very clearly - raising children is NOT as simple as it seems. At least I had the balls to throw my gauntlet on the floor and make it my declaration. To some extent, it's a sacrifice, depending on how you look at it and how you live your life. Some people can take it on, while others cannot.
To start, images of Carol Brady and Shirley Partridge must be obliterated before understanding any of this. Times have changed, people have changed, and so has society. It is ideal to be at home with your child and nurture the time spent. It is not, however, when you reach the point of having to give yourself up. Nowadays, mortgages are a shared responsiblity and not all men are the breadwinners. So the task of juggling life, work, and home gets to be a very complex puzzle to solve.
We need to worry if our children are fed (with nutritious food, that is), clothed (especially the stuff from the Gap or Gymboree), bathed (with organic soap or Dove), read to (politically correct storybook characters - Tinky Winky, anyone?), etc. Men are either in the whole scheme of things or not. Today, women are suffering from burnout because we're holding higher job positions and expected to come home and be a f/t mommy. Dads are working longer hours, but they're not necessarily held 100% accountable to the same ideals that are imposed on the moms. I mean, after all, if you see a kid who looks like they emerged from the pit of hyenas, the first thing comes to mind, "Where's the mom?" or "What was his mother thinking?".
With a flurry of activity going on, where do mothers find the time to do what they enjoy most? Is this why spas are now the rage and having massages is now a form of escape? In my case, people not only say that I spend too much time crafting (I really enjoy it as an artform), but that I'm cutting corners in parenting. Most women at Miki's school don't have an identity except through their husbands OR to be the 'perfect' mother. To me, it's absurd.
Do I really need to be in my kid's face 24/7? Of course not. Mikayla needs to learn independence and to play on her own. By being in her salad too much, Miki became clingy, stubborn and worst of all, anti-social. Everything had to revolve around mommy - of course, it's nice. But when I have do my personal business in the bathroom, I don't need to her to check up on me every 2 minutes and say, "Are you finished yet? Are you poo-pooing?"
Some of us are lucky. We have our mothers to watch our kids when we need a break or go do our errands. But others are not. I was raised to expect nothing from others, so I don't appreciate it when people tell me to pop babies and have my mom watch over them. I, personally, dislike the feedings in the middle of the night, potty training, or the monthly visits to the pediatrician. Granted, there are blissfully happy moments with a wee child at home, but overall, I don't need another baby to affirm my presence on this planet. Mikayla's father is genetically related to Quasimodo with two left feet, so parenting duties were split between myself and my mom.
And if you're married to a husband who isn't afraid of a little work, it makes a world of difference. Even though if the parenting aspect isn't perfect, efforts should be acknowledged. No one really wings it right the first time. Although Mikayla wasn't the first baby I've taken care of, I put her diapers on lopsided and dressed her clothing inside out. I was too intimidated to give her a bath and insisted my disabled mom to do it. To me, she was the REAL pro. She maneuvered the baby deftly and effortlessly - while she's only 4'10" (going on 4'8") with two abnormally short arms.
Plus, there's nothing wrong with a single child. No study on this planet can convince me that having multiple kids is better than just having one. So, don't tell me that I need to give her a brother. And by that, why a brother and not a sister?
Another rant.
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People here ask me with astonishment how I could leave America and move to a country that ranks at the bottom of nearly every ranking table in Europe.
I tend to smile and say "it was easy" just to piss them off.
How could I even begin to explain the notion of working in Washington, where paying attention to your spouse and family is a sign of weakness.
When people at my work asked me why I was moving here, I tended to smile and say "to be happy" just to piss them off.
It succeeded in abundance. Perhaps not in pissing them off, but in turning their lives upside down.
I tend to smile and say "it was easy" just to piss them off.
How could I even begin to explain the notion of working in Washington, where paying attention to your spouse and family is a sign of weakness.
When people at my work asked me why I was moving here, I tended to smile and say "to be happy" just to piss them off.
It succeeded in abundance. Perhaps not in pissing them off, but in turning their lives upside down.
