STRANDED

Now here’s the zany part:

I had to meander my way out of the venue. The crew had stripped the place bare, taken the stage down and closed all of the front exits. Some was dude driving a lift truck wearing a mop on his head (I kid you not on this) noticed my perplexity. He took the mop off and provided me directions from leaving the premises to the box office.

One thing I love about the British, they are especially helpful and polite. The chap was courteous enough to remove his ‘hat’ before speaking to me! Filled with delight, I eagerly made my way over to the box office and found the area to be as still as the night. Both Ching and Richard had disappeared somewhere in this vast diorama.

OMG – what to do? Common sense tells me they either went to the car, the nearby pub or were taking a walk because it was quite chilly. So I shouted out their names a few times and got nothing back. Oh wait, I did get a drunken sod yelling back…

I turned around and headed straight back to the exit where I met the guy with the mop on his head. Interestingly enough, he was still there and was surprised to see me. “Directions no good?” he asked. “No, no, no, they were excellent. My friends were not in the area and now I don’t know how to reach them.”

A steward approached me under the presumption that I might be one of those pesky fans trying to sneak in the backstage area. Trying to retain my composure, I described what my current dilemma was without have to sound like some paranoid freak.

The steward was an older chap, around his late 40’s to early 50’s with silver grey hair. Two decades ago, I could picture him working as some bouncer in a nightclub giving every drunken party-goer a dirty look. As soon as I cracked a joke about my friends getting pissed in a pub and heading over to the NEC arena instead, he lightened up and started laughing - okay, tough guy demeanor taken down. When he asked me if I had any contact numbers, I realized right then and there that my ass could be grass. I didn't have it on me.

Think, think, think!

Miraculously, I somehow memorized Sarah’s new home number and this gentleman was nice enough to allow me use his mobile phone. Studmuffin Andy answered the phone and searched the house for a stinkin’ little piece of paper with Richard’s mobile number on it. A few moments after Andy tore up his house, I suggested that he find my little notebook for Richard’s home and invalid mobile numbers instead. At this point, I’ll take ANY number, good, bad or the ugly.

As I wrote down the numbers, the steward decoded why the numbers didn’t work – they were all missing a zero. Aiyah...being a dumb foreigner, would I have known that? I turned to him and said, “You know, this is pretty stupid. I just remembered that my idiot friend left his phone in the car. GREAT! Do you have a set of playing cards handy?” The guy must think I need to check into a loony bin.

So I punched away at these numbers and was greeted by Richard’s chirpy voicemail. I left a goofy message and handed the mobile phone back to the steward. I couldn’t help but to make facial expressions and hand gestures while being on the call. The steward seemed thoroughly amused by my sarcasm - at least someone’s having a ball. Now the wait begins…

A minute later, his mobile phone rings up with Richard’s number on Caller ID. Whew! I am gonna go home tonight! Don’t you just love the callback feature for Missed Calls? Thanked the lovely and helpful steward for his kindness and stomped my way over.

We met up at the box office again where Ching had originally left me a makeshift sign indicating (with her infamous chicken scratches) that they’d return at 12:30AM. Constructed solely of tissue, it was fastened prominently in place with a piece of chewing gum (which obviously didn’t work). Since it was quite windy, her masterpiece was found on the ground a few feet away from its original place.

Best part of the story? Not my plight, but...

EFFING Richard carried TWO fecking mobile phones on him. Not one, but TWO communicative devices all this time. Did you think it’d be wise to leave one with me, so he and Ching could chill out at some pub instead of waiting out in the fecking cold? Common sense, anyone?? HELLOOOO?!?

Of course, Richard didn’t think that was such a good idea at all. No, no, no. Mr. BO had to have BOTH phones with him at all times. No exceptions.

Whatever…!!

Before I could even verbally cane his ass, Ching had beaten me to it. While she was trying warm up in his car, she freaked out when she heard this horrific gagging/mewling noise originating somewhere in the vehicle itself. Richard was standing outside of the car when it took place, so she hollered over to him about the disturbing noise. Car’s possessed! EDIT: Indeed Richard had a good chuckle over it and fished out his OTHER phone that was wedged somewhere in the front passenger's seat. In other words, the phone was ringing up on my best friend's rear end. He installed a ‘popular’ ringtone which sounded more like squealing martian getting sliced open in Roswell up. It's smashing.

Curious, Ching asked Richard why he needed to have 2 mobile phones. One, was for close friends and family, the other, was for et al. Et al = 'potential' dates, acquaintances and the lot. I rang him up on the 'other' gizmo, so I'm either an acquaintance or a psycho stalker.

Because of my call to Andy earlier, Sarah was not only worried about me, but the thought of Ching being alone with Richard. She knew that I could figure my way back to Tamworth, but the other two, together? OH NOOOO!!!

I, on the other hand, was not at all worried about my best friend. Being the eldest sister to 4 oversized siblings and the most responsible individual in this planet, she can kick your ass with her pinky toe. She practically lived in her parent’s restaurant, assumed parental roles to her siblings and has made some serious sacrifices in the past. If anything, Richard ought to be more careful around her!

When we finally arrived home, Andy greeted us at the door. Like a tardy teenager, I said, “I’m SO sorry for being late Dad. I promised I won’t do it ever again.” He shook his head and smiled at my silliness. Before going off to bed, I told him about Richard’s blasted BO during EWTRW and Andy shot me a look of horror. Andy was the 2^nd person to notice Richard’s signature scent after I complained about it (on Day1) and he’s even offered to hose him down to protect the environment.

[On a bad day, the likelihood of me losing my temper would be viable over an incident like this. As a defense mechanism, I've always hated not having any or complete control. Because I was so giddy and in high spirits, it definitely snuffed out any anger I potentially had. Deep down inside, I knew it would be fine in the end.]