In the Chinese culture, there's something to be said about names. There are fortune tellers who assist in the process of creating the 'perfect' name for a newborn child in hopes of securing a wonderful future or to minimize the child's ill-fortune. So, names are not to be taken lightly and even the total number of strokes of the characters make a difference.

That being said, some folks are anal retentive about it and some, could give a rat's ass.

Names are generally conjured up based on the combination of a word identifying the individual by family generation and with a character uniquely identifying the person. It's usually arranged in this order: Last Name, Generation Name, and Unique Name OR Last Name, Unique Name, and Generation Name.

For example, my chinese name is Mah Sui Jen. Mah is the family name, Sui is the name which appropriately identifies me by generation, and Jen is my 'actual' name. My bro's name is Mah Sui Kee - this naming convention stretches over to my assholian paternal cousins as well. Because they are Chinese immigrants from the motherland, their names were translated from Mandarin rather than Cantonese (mum and dad emigrated from Hong Kong). Now them Asian rednecks are called Ma Rui Guo, Ma Rui Jiang, Ma Rui E, etc.

Plus, no Jr.'s or Sr.'s are allowed in our customs, a very big no-no. Can't have the younger generation mixed in with the previous one.

You get the picture.

The HYSTERICAL part about my name??? The ultimate & ironic glory in all of this?

I DEFY my name. Yessirree...I do. 静 means still, quiet, calm, and unmoving.

After experiencing difficulty and headaches with her first spoiled child, mum decided to give me a name that would reflect some peace and relief when she was having her second kid. According to my parents, I was the perfect baby: obedient, slept through the night, never fussed, etc. It worked for the first 12 years until I reached junior high school. Then all hell broke loose.

I ain't gonna lie...and it's a fact - I'm very LOUD. Not only am I my mother's child, my ears were plugged up for over 2 1/2 decades and couldn't hear myself speak. As a habit, I generally spoke very loud and STILL can't hear myself (even though my ears are now squeaky clean, if you care to know). Furthermore, my lungs work extremely well. As a native New Yorker, I can easily keep up with an auctioneer in a conversation and maybe conduct one at Sotheby's. Did I tell you how abrupt and short the Chinese language is as well?

Yes, this is one of the better ironies in my life. People DIE when they find out my Chinese name. They laugh so hard that their internal organs are coming outta their nostrils.

Okay, now that you've gain some understanding of the so-called significance with Chinese names, now you'll understand why this sent me reeling across the living room -

I was fiddling with the anagram master earlier, and for whatever the crazy reason, I decided to enter Lisa's name from her previous marriage. This is what I came up with...