On a daily basis, we get a barrage of stupid questions where people insist we must have answers for. Some of which are so stupid, we have to be extremely careful that we’re not drinking something during the call. The outcome would be pretty gruesome.

Today, some idiot caller wanted to speak to the doctor (yeah, right). We procedurally screen all calls and do not allow any patient to “casually” converse with the doctor. Either you get your ass up to the office or forget about it. This isn’t 1-800-D-I-A-L-A-D-O-C.

But these people are relentless. They will drive you UP the wall with their ridiculous line of questioning. No kidding, but there are times when I wanted to slit my own wrists ‘cuz they keep nag at me just like mum does when she’s hormonal. Pushy lot.

Tinny answered a call today and this individual asked us if it was a bad idea to babysit a child with Hepatitis B and whether or not the disease was contagious. In disbelief, Tinny put the idiot caller on hold to conjure up a politically correct answer with us.

Because Tina had a horrible time trying to find a parking spot this afternoon, she was extremely HYPER. She couldn’t control herself and blurted out, “Tell her not to screw the kid!!"

We were all on the floor in hysterical fits of laughter.

“Just don’t molest the kid or pre-chew* the food!”

Damn Tina. I nearly peed in my pants.

From where we stand, the inquiry was so absurd that Tinny turned red on the call. Since when do we get to opine on these matters? The woman wanted the doctor to answer all of her questions but refused to identify herself. Because we restricted access to the doctor, she decided to utilize us oddballs as her “resource”. Because we couldn’t determine if she was one of our patients, Tinny suggested she could get vaccinated just to be on the safe side. When Tinny told her the vaccines cost $60 a pop which required a total of 3 dosages ($180), the woman balked and hung up.

Exactly three minutes later, she called again for the SAME inquiry.

I mean, WTF, we’re all under the same fricking roof, what makes you think the answer’s gonna be any different? This isn’t some large-scale corporation with hundreds of employees where you can dump the call if the rep is inept. This time, I made Tina take the call. Tina, in her supreme obnoxious glory, told the caller to make an appointment with the doctor and abruptly ended the call.

“AIYAH!!! Just keep your DAMN pants ON!”

Girl was on a roll today. She managed to park her car in front of her cousin’s car somewhere near my stretch of the neighborhood. Because some hooligan had scratched “FUCK” on the side of her cousin’s car, the driver re-etched the lettering. Now, the side of the car says, “ROCK”.

I’m gonna miss Tina when graduates from college. That wackadoo cracks me up.

*Pre-chew = Chinese mums, grandmothers, and nannies chew the kid's food in their mouth before feeding the solid content to the child. Very hip in China 'cuz blenders and food processors aren't a popular kitchen accessory.