Had to redo this whole passage, it didn't sound quite right...


If you know me well, then it’s no secret how much I loathe social bigotry. However, a rebellion was on the uprise in my waiting area and there was a need for elitist conduct to quell this abhorrent individual.

Some rigid tightwad walks into the office exuding extreme irritability – heck, her bitter attitude nettled the entire front desk. She was obviously annoyed at my staff for "misinforming" about the wait times. When she called the office earlier, Tinny had told her there wasn't a long line, but it could all change within the hour. And of course, she'd walk in at the same time a horde of other folks clambering through the front desk.

Fortunately for our beloved tightwad, I was in the back room ringing up insurance companies on credentialing issues and needed to resolve bigger issues at hand.

Keep in mind that Asians give off the nastiest look when they narrow their eyes. The smaller they are, the meaner it looks. The ice queen's was no match for my look, BUT she glared at Tina with such intense anger for mispronouncing her name. Tina called out, "Fa Ye Wong" and later announced "Faye Wong" when no one responded.

One of Tina's lovable traits is that she's innocent and diligent. Because of her immaturity, she makes too many assumptions which on occasion, gets her into trouble. But there is a legitimate reason for her so-called "madness" - a majority of these insurance companies massacre Chinese names and we generally don't get many people who have English first names. Technically, her instinct is appropriate in this case.

Faye promptly rises from her seat and venomously shooting off how "Faye is an English name and doesn't she know how to [pronounce] it? Don’t you know proper English?”

Whoa, whoa. Hey, we're all the same here, what's up with this? Hell man, you're messing with the wrong crowd here.

Unfortunately, I wasn’t there to squash her, but Tina needed to defend herself anyway. In the real world, you’re not going to have a boss who will always defend you to the T and there are scenarios where you have to stand up for yourself. After all, this was "even ground".

Tina wasn’t even fazed by the bitch. It was Tinny who was seething with anger. More so than anything, Tinny despises exploitation and people who are condescending. She'd rather spare cockroach than to save these folks. When Tinny's mad, she's PISSED. No one has the right to shit on our girls, no one. We're all here to take care one another, so we don't take this lightly.

So I step out to make sure things aren’t out of control and exude my infamous bitchiness and snobbery to the tenth power. To mess with her, I set her chart further back on the line because she was squirming in her seat. I caught her stealing glances at me and her eyes would trail back to the floor when I stared right back at her.

I don’t know what’s up with people like Faye. I mean, really. She’s on Medicaid, 24, single, and a dumb-assed student. How is this anything impressive?? I mean, she's gotta get off the Chinese mindset that college students rule above all - this isn't Asia where colleges are highly competitive and literally impossible to gain entrance. Here, fricking college students come a dime for a dozen and some of them are flipping burgers due to the lack of ambition. Waitaminute, she was acting all huffy and anti-Chinese, so which culture is she conveniently choosing to be in? Being intelligent or educated doesn't equate with going quashing trips against the world for small unintentional mistakes.

Then I go off about how I’m 34, had a brilliant career at Fidelity as a Project Manager (cleaning urinals 24/7, heh), have a cute 6 year old, and graduated my shit college with honors (of course, it didn't get me anywhere...oh wait! Here in Chinatown! Is that what my degree is for?).

I don’t believe in exuding any form of snobbery, it's just isn't me. But hell, I've hung out with enough snobs to learn a thing or two from them. I mean, EVERYONE'S f**ked up my last name for 3 decades now, am I gonna challenge them to a duel over it? This girl has NOTHING to show for and has the nerve to act this way. I mean, someone mispronounced your name for crying out loud…how is that an insult? Did we spit at your grandmother’s grave? What the F%&$^? And, my girls apologized for the misdeed, isn't that enough? Did something crawled up this frigid bitch's asshole and died in there?

Jeez.

While Faye is in the exam room, it just so happens that Tinny receives a phone call I described in my blog earlier titled “Tina-isms” dated 9/13/06. Heck it was MAD FUNNY.

Obviously Faye wasn’t about to let us trump her, so she goes in and blasts about our behavior to Rich and how there isn’t any “privacy” in our office. The spiteful wench is out to get us. Because we were guffawing loudly, Rich had a word with me about her and that we needed to be mindful of the volume outside.

Evil.

So a few days later, we received her test results via messenger. While filing these reports away, we decided to mark the wench's chart with our notorious little poop stamp. Yes, I actually discovered a method to emblazon charts with a poopy insignia. It has come EXTREMELY handy on identifying those troublemakers who are in need of a smackdown.

Tinny being Tinny, was shouting out her glucose, LDL, cholesterol levels in our office because we ain’t got "no privacy” [No worries folks, there weren't anyone there except us lame-assed girls]. Hey! Why don't we tack Faye’s personal information on our front door and how about handing out copies of her results on the streets. WAHOO, how’s that for privacy??

Phhbhphtphpthptphphtpphhh!!!!!!!

I had high hopes she’d switch out of our panel and seek out another PCP for this month. Sheesh, no such luck on my part. However, she returned back to our office to discuss her lab results.

It just so happens that my cousin’s wife was dishing out the dirt about my relatives and I was highly interested in the gossip. I was seated next to her while Faye sat in the office and eyeballing me with such scrutiny. I got up, strutted my flat ass out and clacked my heels loudly back, forth, and around the place.

Somehow Faye singled me out even though I wasn’t the one who mispronounced her name. I could tell she wanted to take me on and trample my so-called aristocratic snobbery (Erratic, is more like it - I’m soo full of it today, aren’t I?), but I had to be extremely careful since she could ring up the insurance company and file a legitimate complaint regarding the privacy bit. Although I am well-prepared for rebuttal, I didn’t want the wench to make the first move. Now that some time has passed, any issues she has with the office holds no weight if she tried.

Dumb bitch wanted to use our office phone to make a phone call (WTF?). I told her no and that it wasn’t used for personal calls (even though I was on it with my mom a few minutes ago) and shot her a nasty look. She persisted a little more and a smile played on my lips. I asked her why she couldn’t use her cell phone and she replied that she didn’t have one.

Oh joy! You can’t afford a cell phone!!! No fooking wonder why you’re on Medicaid!

I told her she could only use it for local calls and I would bill her if she called outside of NYC. She promptly called up her auntie and asked her to make dinner tonight.

Man, Tinny and I had a FIELD DAY shredding her behind her back. Tina was upset at me for letting the cow use the phone, but I reminded her not to take the wench’s threat regarding privacy lightly. By allowing her to use our phone, it provided me more ammo against her if she was to lodge a complaint against us. Now I have supporting evidence allowing me to easily cover my ass quickly and effortlessly. Here's my rebuttal:

We, CKC Medical Office P.C., extended our service above and beyond the call of duty by accommodating to the patient's personal requests and she was granted an opportunity to be seen in our office without an appointment. Even though the patient showed no gratitude and verbally offended our staff, we tolerated her behavior simply because we are a professional organization interested in serving the needs of the Chinatown community. This patient was also fortunate enough to witness my management style of "FISH" philosophy - creating high morale in our workplace as well as promoting productivity and motivation amongst employees through teamwork and laughter. The issue of privacy holds no relevance to my management style and therefore, is not a violation of her privacy. The patient should be made aware not to file any complaints with the insurance company regarding management styles and such inquiries and issues should be directed to the office manager. Thank you for your cooperation.

Ironically? The name, Faye Wong, is a HUGE celebrity in Hong Kong. Since this incident, we have constantly made references about the wench’s namesake and poke fun at her serfdom/stardom status.

Now, don’t get me wrong, I’m no social bigot. Heck, my family survived on government assistance, so I would never frown upon those who depend on it. I do, however, have an issue with people who abuse the system, like ahem, my patients.

Faye, on the other hand, has serious personal issues with those who are "better off than she is" and nitpicks at the minor details because the big picture is obstructed from her view. She’s using my phone as a way to "one-up" me, but these petty little things don’t add up much. What she doesn’t see is how she’s been put down by someone who is above her standards. It’s not that I relinquished control over my telephone, god no, it’s because I felt “sorry” for a pitiful creature who’s trying to nickel and dime everyone.

You may take whatever’s free for now, but there’s no investment in return.

Plus, she’ll never move beyond where she is now because her narrow and bitter outlook on life will limit her potential. I know, because this is another Grace Sr. in the making.