You may be in possession of a suede leather skirt by Dolce & Gabbana (retail $1,400+), but it doesn't necessarily mean you'll look good in it if it's too long or big. Or you could be one of those women who DENY your size and try to squeeze your excess fat and bust out at the seams.

I remember meandering around the Prada flagship store in the Village and really, really, really wanted to take home a great dress. Sarah Jessica Parker made such a remarkable statement with her wardrobe in 'Sex & the City' - and I, for once, wanted to be in possession of something amazing. As I passed by aisles of clothing, it dawned upon me: Everything was in BLACK.

Okay, I love black, so don't get me wrong; however, all of the outfits are catered to the average woman (size 8 - aka "sample" size) who stands at least 5'7", weighing over 125 lbs, and have twice the bust size than those who exist in my gene pool. If I'm going to take home the "ultimate little black dress" - ain't no way am I gonna spend additional $$$ for alterations. It BETTER fit right the first time. What if the tailor screwed it up?

So...you'll always find me shopping in petite sections or in stores which carry a line of petite clothing. However, petite clothing can be tricky...some items are still too damn long because some asshole took a regular outfit trimmed 2 1/2 inches here and there and called it a day. Because of that, the bust area sits awkwardly in the front because there's extra fabric made for big boobies. Pin and tuck...I guess that's how tailors stay in business?

Last night I came upon a petite, but sharp, casual jacket that had designed by a private label company and was constructed in China. The quality of the workmanship far exceeded the work of the popular brands like Banana Republic and rivaled that of Ann Taylor and Club Monaco. Yes, the seams were well hidden and buttons were perfectly lined up. Incredibly well-made.

It was shame to pass off the item, especially since it was marked down for a mere $19.95. Since I have a weakness for stylish jackets, it came home with me.

When I took the jacket out of the shopping bag, I realized that the jacket was ME. ME, in the sense that, for years, I have always purchased jackets over tops and dresses. Jackets go well with pants or skirts, but being an individual who hates to wear stockings (I'm fricking bow-legged!!), pants are the way to go. Jackets/blazers easily create another look both in the spring and fall by adding or subtracting layers. ME, who have preferred suits over business casual attire in the office. ME, in high school, have always liked wearing vintage jackets inspired by the movie, "Pretty in Pink".

No matter how pretty the pages of the magazines look, I'll always go for the "unisex" (a term Ching coined regarding 80's wardrobe) look. As much as I want to wear those sexy camis or spaghetti strap tops, I'll gravitate towards those crisp white tees and blue denim jeans inspired by the 80's.

Rest assured, I will never put on a pair of those ridiculous neon pink leg warmers. They need to REMAIN in that decade!!!!

Unlike some people, I'm quite realistic when it comes to clothing. I may be dreadfully casual at times, but I do know what NOT to wear.

Speaking of which, I went to Armani / Exchange and saw a beautiful white zippered sweater on a mannequin. Price tag: $150. Oy.

Okay, a bit steep, but I was ready to splurge (hey, I don't buy clothes ALL of the time...I still need to stick with my feng shui principles and avoid excess crap and clutter). Man, I could buy me a COAT at that price. Anyhoo, I looked at this item longingly, imagining myself in it. Then reality hit: I would look like a fricking RETARD in this very outfit.

Although the sweater was designed for thinner torsos, the sleeves were TOO long. Because I was born on the oddest end of the gene pool, I have shorter arms than most petite girls (Yeah, I blame my dad on this one). I wasn't about to roll up at least 7 inches of fabric so my hands could peek out of the sleeve!!! So I promptly put the sweater back on the table and let out a sigh.

Two days later...I saw the most ghastly thing in my entire life. Terrible.

As I was entering the ground floor of my office building, a short, fat, dumpy-looking girl was walking towards me. OMFG - she had on the same beloved sweater I could not bear to adorn due to my stumpy arms. Because she was so large (we're talking at least a size 16 here) the sweater were completely stretched out, thus losing its ribbed detail. She looked like she had chunky cotton bracelets on her wrists 'cuz her sleeves were folded at least 3x over.

I'm still traumatized over this. I didn't have the balls to wear the outfit, while this one here, completely killed the look with her oblivious state of mind. I'm not being cruel, but the look DOESN'T work! It irritated me not because she doesn't realize how preposterous she appeared, but because she was flaunting the fact that she could afford an expensive sweater and wear it out.

Someone just shoot me.

Oh, and one other thing that bothers me, if your boots don't fig snugly at the calf, don't wear it. Unless you're a toothless pirate, boots do not look sexy if they're worn like galoshes - making swooshing sounds with each step. Unfortunately, Chinese women have a serious lack of understanding in this regard...especially since most of them are malnourished.